Dreams
by Zadred212
Summary: Elesis had asked him how he could sleep after all he had done. He remembered laughing. It left a bitter taste in his mouth. "A sleeping pill a day keeps insomnia away." (Raven-centric)
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Same old, same old

 **Dreams**

* * *

He fought and fought and fought.

Blood pooled at his feet. Bodies fell before him: neck slit by his blade, spine broken by his claws, head caved in by his boots, face melted off by his guns. The scent of blood, of fire, of sizzling flesh and rotting skins tickled, no, assaulted his nose, mockingly, tauntingly, angrily.

You caused this, it said.

I sure as hell know it, he wanted to reply.

He never did so. His body continued to walk, to fight, to kill. Relentlessly. Unstoppably. Coldly.

Mechanically.

He never resisted. He had stopped after the first two months.

 _(He never dreamed in those time. Sleep was a luxury he didn't have. Closer and closer to insanity edged his mind. Or maybe he had gone mad without knowing it. That would explain the girl in green always staying at the periphery of his vision._

 _He wondered if he had known her before. He always felt sad when seeing her._

 _He also wondered if all of this was a dream and he was still dreaming.)_

The sword in his hand was his only crutch. Without it, he was sure he would collapse and break completely.

Once, twice, thrice he swung it. Once, twice, thrice he expected a body to fall over and die, blood spurting out from the wounds on them.

It never happened, and he almost cried in happiness.

"What happened, Commander? I heard something falling."

He realized his hand was empty.

"Nothing. Just a slip."

"If you say so, Sir."

He picked up the sword and clutched onto it. The footstep outside grew smaller and disappeared.

 _(He had severe insomnia in the first month. The moment he closed his eyes, he was surrounded by bodies and flame and then he was seeing the ceiling, sweat dripping uncontrollably down his forehead and back._

 _He thanked the El he never screamed._

 _And then there were other times. When instead of warzones, he was lying on his back. There was no flame and the moon was tranquil as it peeked down between the tree leaves._

 _Somehow, this scene frightened him more than the usual battlefield. Like he was remembering something he should never have._

 _He looked down._

 _A glimpse of blond, bloodstained hair-_

 _And he was awake, the woman in green again stayed at the edge of his vision.)_

The moment he saw her, it felt like he had finally woken up from an endless dream.

He wished he hadn't.

"Are you okay, Raven? You seems paler than usual."

He smiled at the golden-haired girl sitting next to him. The smile was utterly fake.

"There's nothing to worry about."

Just as fake as his words.

Barely concealing his malice for her, who reminded him of what he had lost.

He regretted joining the El Search Party.

He regretted ever remembering.

But most of all, he regretted meeting the elven warrior called Rena.

 _(The woman in green -Seris- never returned to the edge of his vision._

 _She began to haunt him in his dreams._

 _Again and again she appeared, everytime just as dead as the last. Blank, unseeing eyes stained with tears, a smile that held no joy -the dead didn't need it- and a sword through her stomach._

 _Her hand was always reaching out for him._

 _At least she wasn't there all the time._

 _There were times that he looked down, from the moonlit night and saw not his dead fiancee, but the elven warrior in her place. Those times were the worst. She was barely any different anyway, with face mirroring Seris, the only distinguish difference was her long ears and outfit, but fuck he was pissed. That nosy elf had no place in his past, so why the hell was she there, looking at him with lifeless green eyes?_

 _His time under the Nasod King took up the rest. He was almost relieved by it, but the scent of iron and decomposing corpses was far too vivid and he woke up with bile in his throat instead._

 _Oh, and he was drowning under sleeping pills now. At least he had some sleep, so that was a plus._

 _...Maybe?)_

The moment he saw Eve, there was one thought in his mind.

He wanted her. He wanted all of her. From her silver hair, her golden eyes that looked like a reflection of his, her lithe frame, the El shard on her forehead. He wanted all of her to himself.

So that he could break her. Piece by piece. Make her expressionless face warp in utter fear and despair. Until she functioned no more. He remembered stories about a man having all of his fingers and toes broken off one by one. He wondered if it worked on Nasods.

The Nasod King died too fast for him to try.

And when she offered him a handshake, dainty fingers pointed in his direction, he almost lost it and tested it out.

"I'm Raven, nice to meet you."

He didn't hear a word she said. All of his concentration was spent trying to restrain his anger for this abomination in human shape.

 _(That night, he dreamed of Eve. She was lying in front of him, completely defenseless and vulnerable. Her right arm was cuffed to the wall, and she shook, her frightened expression far too humane._

 _All of her other limbs were crushed into pieces. Cords and wires spilled out like entrails from where they used to connect to her frame._

 _He could feel a grin on his face as he picked up a sledge hammer. He wasn't sure if it was the dream or he himself was smiling._

 _He didn't have much time to think about that._

 _The hammer descended, and Eve's scream echoed through the small basement. It was irritating to his ears, so he forced a bottle down her throat. It did wonder in muffling her scream and it wasn't like she could choke on it. For a split moment, he was curious about Nasod's voice system. But the moment passed and he continued with far too much vigor._

 _And the next day, he woke up completely refreshed for the first time in five years. He was confused whether to feel disgust or relief._

 _But, no matter what he thought, that dream would follow him for a long time, just like the two before did.)_

She recognized him, the girl with firelit hair. Not as Raven the Blade Master, but as Raven the traitor of Velder, and also the one responsible for the Velder Massacre five years prior.

How ironic that she remembered what he always wanted to forget.

She confronted him. At night, on an empty, moonlit street. No one walked outside anymore since the demons' attack. It worked to both of their favors. Even though he always talked about redemption bullshit, Raven could never bear the weight of others' scorn.

What a coward he was.

He had followed her through twists and turns, their footsteps the only sound he could hear. But even then, he had been scared that somewhere, somehow, prying eyes were watching them. That all of his sins would be exposed, and all that would be left for him would be hatred and righteous anger.

He needn't have worried.

The first punch he almost didn't see coming. But despite that, Raven could easily avoid it. More than a year spent honing his reflex and fighting demons allowed him to do so.

His vision spun as knuckles met jaw.

The next he could see through wavering vision. According to his calculation, it would soon land at his cheek if he didn't avoid it.

So it did.

In the end, it was just a beatdown. Punches and kicks and jabs were thrown at him rapidly, viciously, relentlessly. There were little exchange between them, and she drove in the fact that he was better off dead. And then the beating would didn't resist.

But once did he take action.

Even through he was barely coherent at that point, his blade slid out of its seath and locked her claymore in place, his body overwhelmed with pain as the sudden motion aggravated his wounds.

"You don't want to become a killer."

His words came out mangled, with hasty gasps mixed between syllables, but it carried the point across.

Her expression barely changed. Her eyes narrowed slightly, the anger clouding them gone, replaced by disgust? Fear? Confusion? before she discarded him as she would a piece of trash. Vision blurring, blade slipping from his fingers, he landed painfully on his ass, his back slamming against a wall.

And then he knew no more.

 _(This time, he again dreamt of the battlefield. Soldiers in steel armors and crimson pauldrons mounted their charge against him, and was cut down for their effort. The sky was sickly red, scent of blood and burnt flesh again permeated the area._

 _That he was familiar with._

 _But something was different. No, everything was the same but in a different perspective._

 _Weaving between bodies, blade held in a relaxed but cautious grip, face set in a grim expression, a man came at him. Raven didn't remember that man. He didn't want to remember anything._

 _But, he couldn't look away from the soon-to-be-dead soldier._

 _His hair was red. Brilliantly so._

 _And everything began to make sense. He wished it hadn't._

 _Dear Ishmael he was fucked._

 _By the way, he paid a visit to Eve after he woke up, still on the street. It was a miracle he didn't catch a cold._

 _She welcomed him inside and patched his wounds. As much as he wanted to avoid the Ice Bitch, at least she kept things to herself._

 _Maybe that was why he answered her inquiry about his broken ribs._

 _"Someone asked me this-" -Elesis had asked him that- " 'How can you sleep at night after all the atrocities you have done?' "_

 _He remembered laughing despite the bitter taste in his mouth._

 _"A sleeping pill a day keeps insomnia away.")_

Elesis bore down on him with cold anger, training blade swung in short, swift arcs. It was near impossible considering the size of her claymore but she did it anyway.

None of the slashes touched him as he evaded or parried them, feet and hands in constant motion lest he be hit.

Clash blades. Let claymore slide along his saber. Lock it in place with handguard. Hilt thrust. Elesis leapt backward. Follow with upper slash.

She had seen him teaching her brother. He had wondered what she would do.

He didn't expect her to request a spar, but he indulged her anyway. Her reasons were hers, and he honestly didn't give a fuck at his current state. His mind was stressed out as it was, and he really needed something to take his mind off it.

And so here they were, dancing the only dance they had ever known. Well that was the case for him at least. He wasn't going to assume the same applied to his opponent.

Backstep. Sword barely missed chest. Close distance. She wouldn't have range to swing. Change to reverse grip. Hilt thrust. Blocked by claymore's flat side. Recoil. Have to retreat.

Maybe he was just that fucked up in the beginning. Maybe he had gone mad and didn't realize it. Maybe it was the headaches getting to his nerve.

Ishmael above, Elesis was far too fucking beautiful.

He was in a daze. His body was on autopilot, parried strike and evaded slash as they came.

His eyes remained locked on her frame.

It was wrong but he couldn't stop.

His keen eyes picked up far too many details. The way her chest rose and fell slightly with each labored but controlled breath. Beads of sweat running down her neck. Slightly damp combat dress clung to her figure.

As if being obsessed with the Ice Bitch wasn't enough. Sometimes he wondered why wasn't he talking with a psychiatrist.

Oh right, no psychiatrist in Velder. Only asylums.

Fucking hell.

He couldn't be more glad when Rena came to inform them of lunch time, and he just bolted, not before offering a hasty apologize to the girls though, and locked himself inside his room for the rest of the day.

 _(He dreamed of their spar._

 _Blade clashed and blows were exchanged. Raven watched even as his dream self fought against Elesis. Every action, every gesture was the same as reality down to the smallest detail._

 _There was one, almost imperceptible difference. He almost missed it and would have remained ignorance had he did._

 _Her eyes. It was not anger nor coldness which was shown through them. Instead it was acceptance and sympathy._

 _He understood now. He was a hypocrite who couldn't trust anyone and yet expected people to understand him._

 _He woke up with a bitter taste in his throat. Like biting a pill not meant to be bitten._

 _He stayed awake for the next two days.)_

Chung and Ara joined the El Search Party in Velder. One for his city, the other for her brother.

Both of their innocent expressions were fake. He should know, having been living a lie for more than a year.

He didn't really care. They were tolerable and that was enough. As long as they didn't hinder the team, he had no objections. He wasn't responsible for them anyway. Prying would just make him the same as the damn nosy elf.

Still, he hated them. They reminded him too much of himself. His conversations with them were always short, swift and to the point. He always talked just enough to be seen as polite and then slipped back to his room, not a single word from either

registered in his mind.

 _(He began to have dreamless sleep. The burdens on his mind was somewhat lifted, if only temporarily. He found himself smiling more often with his vigor returned._

 _He could now pretend he was fine for a bit longer._

 _Still, things weren't all that smooth. Those dreams about Elesis, Eve and Rena made him avoid them, and though he could hide it thanks to the hectic times in Velder, but now, with the Red Knights sharing their workload and left him with much more free time, he couldn't hide his actions and so had to directly deal with them far more than he was comfortable with._

 _Nonetheless, it was an improvement compared to the mess that he was after the Nasod King._

 _Raven couldn't help but be worried._

 _Things went far too smoothly. He felt like it was the calm before the storm._

 _He feared what could happen when it hit.)_

Raven was pretty sure what the man in front of them was talking about was important. Ran he called himself, Aren Ara called him, and he was the leader of the demons plaguing Hamel.

Raven just couldn't give a fuck.

Ignoring Ara's attempt at invoking humanity inside the man, Chung's dark look and the cautious but concerned gazes the El Search Party gave the siblings, the Blade Master simply bolted past them all, sword half-drawn. He gave the dark-skinned male no chance to react before he was upon him with a flurry of slashes.

Stop...

Normally he would have felt at least an ounce of respect for an opponent who could match his skill with the sword, in this case Ran. But he didn't. Instead, despite his strikes being parried and deflected one by one, he still continued his assault single-mindedly, each attack more desperate than the last.

Stop looking at me...

A blast of dark magic erupted from the magic circle before his face. Ran himself had conjured it after again parrying a particularly vicious strike. Even though the worst of the blast was blocked by his claws, the concussive force still sent Raven flying backward like a ragdog. Readjusting his posture, he landed on his feet, eyes never left his opponent, a twisted snarl on his face.

His legs coiled-

Stop looking at me with those eyes-

"Raven!"

Slender but far too strong arms wrapped around his chest -Rena- and breasts pressed against his back. Normally he would have felt either slightly flustered, for being in such close contact with a girl, or, more likely, really annoyed since it reminded him of how Seris would do the same and enjoy the sight of his embarrassment. At least before they...became intimate.

He was in too deep a frenzy to feel either.

"HANDS OFF RENA!"

He could have easily escaped her grip. The move played itself in his mind. An elbow thrust to the stomach. Grab arm. Flip. But he didn't. He struggled, twisted his body, tried to lunge forward, but never did anything that could harm her.

But had he been able to see his expression at that moment, he would have called it a mad one.

Raven didn't care about Elsword and Chung and Ara engaging Ran, nor did he care about Eve who also attempted to keep him in place. Even Elesis' gaze, which would normally evoke guilt in him, was barely registered in his mind and discarded like trash not worthy of his attention.

Only when Aisha locked the space around him did his struggle stop.

And even then, there was but one thing in his mind.

Those eyes.

Those dead eyes.

Dead eyes that mirrored his every time he had seen them reflected off the weapons of those he had slain.

It never got better until Ara had deflected Chung's homing shell and Ran had teleported away. And only the Iron Paladin's howl had woken him from his trance.

His throat was hoarse. He realized he had been screaming.

"Raven-"

He began to leave as soon as the binding spell was removed. His ears were deaf and his vision blurry. Rena's hand was swatted away and her words were ignored.

Elesis grabbed his collar. Her eyes shone with cold anger. He almost lashed out and broke her arm. Instead, he twisted her hand just enough to remove it, never stopping in his stride.

His face was flat the entire time. Except for his messy hair, no trace of his frenzy remained.

No one stopped him this time.

And only when he had reached his chamber, away from all those prying and 'sympathetic' gazes outside, and had locked the door did his mask fall and he himself crumbled.

 _(He woke up far more exhausted than before he fell asleep. His mind was a jumbled mess and for the life of his he couldn't recall what he had dreamed of, only that bits and pieces of it, and even then, they were indistinct and blurry like a smudged collection. He couldn't even recall when he had slept._

 _He never left his room for the next two days. He couldn't stand the face they would show him. Like concern, for example._

 _Thank Ishmael each room came with a small bathroom._

 _He ignored the voices. He buried his head under pillows to drown them out. Elsword asking him for spars. Rena announcing lunchtime. Ara asking out of worry. He replied to Ara only with curt words. Even though he didn't want to talk, he could at least respect the girl for her honesty._

 _Maybe others did try to call him to but he was asleep most of the time. Waking up felt terrible so he slept instead. Even those dreams that haunted him made him feel relief._

 _At times he considered using more than one pill of sleeping drug. But he thought better of it and swallowed the pill on his hand before washing it down with water._

 _At one point in the third day, he woke up to Eve's golden eyes. She was tending to him. His eyes glanced at the door. It was still locked._

 _"I picked the lock and relocked it. No one else will come in."_

 _She answered his unasked question and continued to wipe his forehead with a wet towel._

 _He would have wrung her neck if he could, but his body held no strength. He hadn't eaten a bite since that day. So though he hated it, he lied still and let her continue._

 _"We're going to move to Sander in a few days." -she informed him, voice monotous as always- "The six Priestess need to be united to deal with the threat of demons. We'll be meeting the Wind Priestess there."_

 _He opened his mouth, found no words, and closed it._

 _"Will you come with us?"_

 _He didn't answer._

 _She handed him a cup of water._

 _"You are dehydrated."_

 _He blinked at her words, but nonetheless grabbed the cup, muttering something which sounded suspiciously like a 'thank you' and gulped down the cold liquid._

 _"See you at lunch."_

 _With a bow, Eve left. Her two drones followed her. He was glad they were gone. They had been beeping the entire time._

 _"Fucking Ice Bitch."_

 _He muttered after she was gone. But his expression didn't match his words. It was the closest thing to relief he could feel at the moment._

 _He pushed his tired body out of bed. A splash of cold water did wonder in stimulating his lethargic brain. A cold bath even more so._

 _He paused at the door to his room. His hand lingered on the knob. It was cold. He hesitated._

 _'Fuck this.' -he whispered to himself and twisted the knob._

 _There was a high chance he might regret this. Just like how he had regretted ever remembering about Seris. But fuck that. He was no dainty flower to be protected._

 _A push. One step._

 _And he was in the hallway again._

 _He felt far too liberated for doing such a simple action._

 _And apparently, as he found out in the next months in Sander, Eve dreams were the first to go.)_

* * *

 **AN: To be honest, I was planning to finish and upload this by Sunday, but I got stuck here, so this is the result. The rest will be written later either as another chapter or added to the first. Also no update for the other works because I'm lazy asf.**

 **First thing first, this serves as a shorter version of MONSTER, since I'm not sure if I can finish the aforemention story. I'm a lazy ass. Still, for some reason, I tried to write BM x GrM and ended up with far more Eve hints than Elesis'. Well, considering their current stance, it's understandable but still...**

 **For me, Raven/Elesis relationship is quite interesting. Half because of certain roleplays, half because it's more unique compares to Raven/Rena prominent in canon and most fanworks. Not that I have a problem, I just want something new I suppose.**

 **By the way, you may notice that the Raven I portray has a few screw loose...I hope. I'm aiming to show a half-mad and vulnerable Raven who tried to hide his weakness under a mask of indifference. IMO he's the most scarred in the El Search Party, barring Add and possibly Eve before her hibernation. I'm not sure if I have done that properly. A feedback would be nice.**

 **Also, a timeline for the fic since I've changed things a bit from canon:**

 **10 years prior to canon: Mock siege, Raven, Seris and Alex met.**

 **7 years prior: Black Crow was born.**

 **5 years prior: Raven and Seris engagement. Alex's betrayal. Seris died. Raven was retrieved by the Nasod.**

 **3 years prior: Nasod attacked Velder. Elkashu Sieghart was killed by Raven. Elesis left Ruben.**

 **Canon, Altera arc: Raven was freed from the Nasod control. Retrieved El fragment. Eve woke up.**

 **Between Altera and Feita arc: Raven secluded himself to train.**

 **The rest follows canon...for now. I might have ideas to change the story flow later.**

 **With all that said, have a nice day!**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Do I even need to say this?

 **Dreams**

* * *

"You should probably cut your hair."

His claws lashed out and grabbed locks of her red hair. She had fallen into her habit when fighting demons, overswing, and had to spin her body around to keep her momentum going. He had seized that chance instantly.

One pull, and she was off balance. A flick of his wrist and his blade was changed to a reversed grip. The same blade was pressed against the back of her neck in a blink of an eye.

"Yield."

"I yield."

A few moments later and he was sitting on the sandy ground of Sander (so that's how it got its name, he absently realized), gulping down water from the bottle in his hand. Elesis sat near him, another bottle in her hand. She looked positively annoyed as she brushed the sand from her skirt. He was quite sure his face mirrored her expression. He hated the feeling of sand in his shoes or, fucking hell, his eyes whenever the wind picked up and he had to change clothes twice a day now. Well at least the sand was delicious, at least the bits that got into his mouth. Oh, and walking on the sand was a good way to train leg strength and balance.

...fucking Sander.

Distracted by his internal ramblings, Raven didn't realize he was still staring absently at the girl next to him. It was until she stood up was his train of thought cut.

She moved next to him and sat down. Her expression barely changed. Beside the slight heave of her chest as she breathed quickly, tired after their spar, and the blinking of her eyes, she was unmoving.

He stiffened.

They weren't comrades, much less friends, that he understood. She harbored nothing less than hatred for him and had barely enough tolerance to be civil in his presence.

What was she planning?

"Why?"

His confusion was understandable. There was no context to her words. He couldn't know what she was referring to.

"Please elaborate?"

Her sigh was the most emotion she'd shown him the entire time they'd traveled together, beside the fit of rage when they first met and the rare excited smirk while they sparred. It spoke volume of their relationship at the moment.

"Hamel. Hall of Water. Ran."

Oh.

Memories flashed in his head. Frantic screaming. Blades clashing. Struggle. Rapid heartbeat. Cold sweat.

And those eyes. Those fucking eyes.

Raven forced those thoughts to the back of his head. He was all too aware of his audible gasps and his heart thumping in the confine of his ribcage.

"His eyes-" -memories of bloodshed threatened to overtake him again, and Raven could feel the bile rising up his throat- "His eyes were blank."

It was the most he was willing to offer. Any more and he might just hyperventilate on the spot. Dreams he could try to forget. Facing his past was something different altogether.

Hastily, he stood up and began to make his way back to the inn the Party had chosen. He needed to rest. No, to run away from others. He was afraid of showing his weakness. The last time he did, Seris died and he became a Pawn in the Nasod King's hand. Not again.

Warm fingers wrapped around his wrist. He recoiled as if the warmth had burnt his far too cold skin.

"You haven't-"

"Hands off."

He wasn't sure his voice was apologetic or confrontational as he yanked his arm free. He didn't look at her, dreading the anger he would see in her eyes.

He didn't run. As he was, he would just stumble and fall. He walked, his stance almost casual, like everything was right in the world and he was just out for a casual stroll in the sunlight.

He prayed Elesis didn't notice the trembling.

 _(He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow._

 _He dreamed of his time under the Nasod King. It was just the same as always. Blood, bodies, bloodied bodies and all that stuff._

 _And of course, his golden, dead eyes staring at him from his reflection. They mocked him every time he saw them on the metallic surface of Velder soldiers' blades._

 _He'd like to think he was recovering. He no longer woke up with cold sweat trailing down his neck and his hands shaking. At least not this dream. Memories of his dead fiancee still shook him to the core and left him mentally exhausted._

 _But be it either dreams, he always woke up with bile up his throat and his hands gripping the mattress._

 _Like right now._

 _It got worse when he woke up to Rena's concerned face, and for the briefest of moment, in his drowsiness, he thought everything was just a bad hallucination and Alex would waltz in any moment and proceed to chew him out on not taking care of his health._

 _Reality hit._

 _"Raven-"_

 _He ignored her unfinished sentence, grabbed her wrist and yanked her to her feet. Her eyes widened in surprise but he didn't care. The slight pain in her eyes went unnoticed as he shoved her out and locked the door behind her back._

 _He slumped to the ground after the door clicked shut. His shoulders shook._

 _Raven didn't cry. His tears had long dried out.)_

"What is it?"

He didn't need an answer. He knew perfectly what she wanted to ask. By the look in her eyes, she knew it too.

"You know it."

He winced at the accusation in her voice.

"You have no business with it, Rena."

Raven turned and began to leave. He had no intention to talk anymore.

He had also forgotten how persistent the elf could be. He hadn't talked to her much since joining the team. In fact, he hadn't really talked much to anyone in the team beside the Siegharts and -Ishmael forbid- the Ice Bi- Queen herself. And most of it were greetings, tips in battle in Elsword and Elesis' case, and the rare details he had shared with Eve during their little talk in Velder.

Perfect team synergy. Honest.

Point is, he was awkward in conversation and didn't know how to react properly in social situation. What little he could remember before Altera didn't help.

He froze up and panicked when she grabbed his wrist.

"Raven. I can't just ignore it anymore. I ignored your lack of interaction with anyone else in the team. I turned a blind eye to your panic attack in Hamel since I thought you need personal space. But I just can't ignore it anymore after yesterday. You're hurting yourself, Raven."

And when he panicked, he lashed out in self-defense. It was a reaction ingrained into his mind after his trauma.

"So it's just about you then? Because I hurt you? Because I became a threat to you?"

His words held more malice than he had intended. A look of hurt appeared on her face. But she recomposed herself, face now set in a determined look, and said:

"What if it's about me? You're hurting-"

"Shut the fuck up."

His words, delivered in a calm tone, made her pause. She couldn't believe her ears and had to reaffirm it.

"Excuse me?"

He snapped. His hand grabbed her wrist and twisted it so much she yelped in pain and had to release his arm.

"I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU ELF BITCH! IT'S ABOUT YOU YOU SAID! IT'S NOT YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS! CAN YOU JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT FOR A CHANGE?"

He paused and gasped for air. His anger drained him both physically and mentally and he almost stumbled backward in exhaustion.

A door opened behind him. A small, rational part of him assessed that having their shouting match in the middle of the hallway was not the brightest of ideas.

He was too far gone to even reconsider.

"Rav-"

Rena called him and reached an arm out for him. He didn't let her finish and swatted her arm away.

"WHY THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN CARE ANYWAY? YOU'RE NOT HER! YOU'RE NEVER HER! SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING HER FACE AND HAUNT MY DREAMS LIKE THIS YOU FUCKING BITCH?"

It was a slip of tongue. He had never intended to divulge that information. But his anger got the better of him and the words came out of his mouth before he had realized it.

When he did, he turned tail and fled.

He didn't care he had almost knocked a frozen Aisha down.

He avoided looking at Rena's face.

His feet carried him down the hallway and out of the hotel. He ran and ran and ran until he could run no longer. It was then did he collapse to his knees, gasping for air.

The sight of Rena's crying face was all he could see in his mind.

"Stop...haunting...me..."

Despair colored his hoarse voice.

In the end, all he could do was run. Either from probing eyes or questioning words.

But memories were something he could never run away from.

 _(He woke up to a hand softly whacking his head. His head was in shambles and he could barely remember what he had been dreaming about._

 _"I, in all my vast knowledge, wouldn't suggest sleeping on sand."_

 _He turned his head to the side. Aisha was smiling at him from her kneeling position, wand tucked under her armpit._

 _Then his mind registered her words._

 _He sat up and inspected his clothes. While his coat had shielded the rest of his clothes from the worst, it had been sacrificed in the progress. The many streaks of sand were prominent on its white fabric and would require vigorous washing to clean off._

 _"...Fuck."_

 _Aisha snorted._

 _He regarded her with an annoyed look._

 _"Go be lovey dovey with Elsword. Shoo shoo."_

 _Her face turned red in embarrassment._

 _"W-We aren't like that!"_

 _It was his turn to snort, an amused look in his eyes. That earned him a wand to his head, and he just couldn't help barking out a short laugh._

 _...Nothing happened after that. They were just there looking into the distance, an awkward silence hung between them._

 _Did he mention he was terrible at making small talk?_

 _Without anything to focus on, his mind began to wander._

 _The words again slipped out before he realized it._

 _"You should propose before you regret not saying it."_

 _He didn't notice Aisha turning to look at him. His eyes were still staring absently at something only he could see, memories of a happier time replayed themselves inside his mind._

 _He...really was hypocritical._

 _Even now, Raven still wished that he had forgotten about Seris. Going on his merry way and leaving his dark past behind, never to be uncovered again._

 _But no matter how much he closed his eyes and covered his ears, those scenes won't go away._

 _...Maybe because a part of him genuinely wanted to remember her._

 _Fighting alongside her and Alex. Began the Black Crow. Dealing with her antics. Proposed. Ran around like a kid after she had accepted his proposal._

 _He didn't regret all of them. The only thing he regretted was not being capable of saving her._

 _"Speaking from experience?"_

 _Raven jerked, surprised by her low voice. Only then did he recognize what he'd said. But Aisha wasn't wearing the face of his dead fiancee. And despite the blush on her face, she wore a serious expression that let him know she had understood the implication in his words. That was why he hadn't snapped._

 _"...Maybe."_

 _He wondered if he was lucky for getting his feelings across before it had been too late, or unlucky for having acknowledged those feelings in the first place and had to endure the resulting pain._

 _He'd like to think it was the former._

 _"...Rena wants to apologize to you."_

 _His mood soured._

 _"Of fucking course. Tell her I'm sorry too."_

 _Aisha shook her head, a disapproving look on her face._

 _"Nope. Go clean up your own mess. It's rude if you don't say sorry directly to a girl."_

 _"What about the reverse?"_

 _"What reverse?"_

 _The smirk on her face told him she knew what exactly he was talking about. And chose to ignore it anyway._

 _Raven shrugged._

 _They began to walk back to their current 'hideout'. The winds were beginning to pick up. He didn't want the sand to get into his clothes also. His coat was already too big a sacrifice._

 _"Hey."_

 _Aisha raised her voice a bit. But neither of them stop their stride. Though he did incline his head to say he was listening._

 _"I...used to be afraid of you since Altera. Still is, actually."_

 _He knew. He could see the slight stiffening of her shoulders whenever he was near. Though he wasn't sure if she knew that he knew._

 _She continued when he didn't reply._

 _"Now that we've talked, though...You seem like a pretty nice guy."_

 _He couldn't help it. He walked next to her, extended his hand, ignored her slight jerk... and patted her head. He made sure to add in a few rubs to further mess up her hair._

 _"Honorifics. Respect adults more, kiddo."_

 _...It was his fight or flight instinct. When nervous, he usually picked fight. Or, in this case, jab._

 _He bolted ahead, laughing softly while evading the teleporting mage and her blood-seeking staff._

 _That night, he dreamed of Seris. The moon still shone overhead. Leaves rustled. The scent of iron still hung heavily in the air._

 _When he looked down, Seris was smiling at him. Not the smile that simply stuck there because the muscles no longer moved. But the smile that told him she was glad because he was there. Her eyes shone with life, which was ironic since she was going to die anyway._

 _But fuck, even though they were both bleeding out and the grass was itchy as fuck -did he really think that?- her smile was still far too gorgeous._

 _"I love you, Raven."_

 _Her voice was hoarse, gasps mixed between syllables. She had been fighting as much as him and was also dying. It wasn't poetic in the slightest. Fuck those guys who made poems and cheesy movies about dying confessions. They didn't know about the stuttering._

 _But fuck if he didn't want to say the same thing._

 _The him in his past hadn't said anything. He had been busy staring at his fiancee, once energetic and full of life, lying dead in front of him. That was why his mouth just wouldn't open to say the words to her._

 _The chance was no longer there._

 _But still, as he watched the light fading from her eyes, but not her radiant smile, he thought the words the past him couldn't say._

 _I love you too._

 _But that wasn't enough. The current him wanted to say more. After everything he had been through, there was another word he had to say._

 _Goodbye, Seris._

 _He woke up with sweat staining his pillow, his hand gripping the mattress._

 _He was smiling._

 _And Raven swore he could see Seris from the corner of his eyes, a radiant smile on her lips.)_

* * *

 **AN: Again, I planned to wrap this up in this chapter but Fire Emblem: Binding Blades and Riviera screwed up my schedule. And my laziness of course.**

 **...I have nothing more to say.**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own my phone.

 **Dreams**

* * *

Raven generally considered himself a calm person. Even in the youth buried under his trauma, he rarely got angry and lashed out at anyone. That particular trait was tempered by his training under his surrogate father, General Corvus, and by the time he founded the Crow Mercenary, the most he showed of his anger were sarcastic remarks and furrowed brows.

Of course, his time under the Nasod King changed him, as seen in his disastrous confrontation with Rena. But it didn't change him completely. He was still rarely provoked and could keep his composure under stress well enough to make sound judgement.

Also, as a result of that particular trait, he didn't hate a lot of people. Those who weren't close to him, he acted politely but didn't really pay much attention, and those who were he treasured.

He only hated three individuals as of the present. No, not hate. Despise. He despised their very existence.

Owen.

The Nasod King.

And this bitch gloating happily in front of them, the El Search Party, now Demon Repel Party.

Tall. Slender. Dressed provocatively in bones and cloth. Pale, almost bloodless skin. Full, red lips curved up in an impish smile. Eyes that looked almost humans, if not for the cruelness glinting in them. Two horns. A pair of bat wings.

There was no grace in her form like Elesis or Rena when she walked. Instead she oozed sensuality with every step. Such was the norm for succubus, a race of seductresses.

Raven didn't feel a thing for her charm. Cold anger shocked his brain and cleared his mind of her interference.

She, Karis, had manipulated the entire Sander to serve her purpose. Misinformation, half-truths, and even outright mind control was not beneath her.

It pissed him off more than the fact that she was trying to bury the entire Sander region under sand, maybe even the entire continent itself.

Fuck, his priorities were askew.

But still, the sight of her just walking around and gloating about her master plan did evoke his hatred. She reminded him of a mix between Owen and the Nasod King, and it angered him even more.

But.

His expressions were unchanged. He didn't howl in anger and charge ahead, past his comrades and at his foe. He didn't swing his sword like a madman at Karis, only to be deflected like against Ran. His fingers twitched, eager to draw his blade and strike down his enemy, but he willed them to still.

He wouldn't lose control again.

Still, when the cue was given, it was he who led the forefront of the assault. His heart hammered against the confine of his chest, far too fast to be healthy. Bloody Accel. A technique he had developed, and further honed by the oath he had made. It accelerated his heartbeat to fuel his muscles. His blade swiped across the air, splicing through glowing bats, energy orbs, whatever his comrades couldn't nullify or shoot down in time.

An orb swerved at him from the side. Elsword, who followed right after him, cut it down. He gave the boy, no, the knight a curt nod without stopping in his track.

Dark meteor rained down from the sky. Or to be accurate, from magic circles near the top of the Behemoth's stomach. None of it touched him. The ranged group, which included Aisha, Rena, Eve and Chung, was under the protection of Aisha's shield. It strained and cracked under the assault but didn't break. The melee group, consisted of him, the Sieghart siblings and Ara, was shielded by Elsword's Armageddon Blade and Elesis' Sword of Victory crossing over each other.

Step.

Step.

Step.

And he was in range.

Karis had raised her hand. A magic circle appeared in her palm. Another attack spell. A shield. An attempt to teleport. A summoning. She could have done anything. He didn't know the extend of her magic.

But it didn't matter.

Raven didn't let out a battle cry. He always viewed it as a waste of breath, which could prove fatal in a fight. Instead, he channeled his anger to his sword and let it do the talking. To him, the sound of it tearing through the air and flesh and bones and metal was expressive and cathartic enough.

He held nothing back in his first move.

Hypersonic Stab.

* * *

 **Think of this as a filler or something. Just an attempt to get my mind working again. Friggin hell exams sure can kill brain cells.**

 **Next would be Lanox arc, and after that Elysion and I can finally wrap this up. I already have some ideas about the next arc and the ending, but I'm not sure I can make the leading up part believable enough. Serves me right for trying to write the ending first I guess.**

 **Thoughts about flaws I might've made and and things I can improve are always welcome.**


End file.
